Buttsmecks with Nozomu
by Kuro
Summary: Nothing to do with Buttsmecks. Seriously. Nozomu has a weird dream after watching Phantom of the Opera with Mahiru. Thus, he retells his story to a Misoka who just doesn't care.
1. PART ONE

**Buttsmecks with Nozomu**

I'm writing this to prove that I'm not dead. I really should be working on the other things I've started, but in a way, I find this more important why? Because I finished all 6 volumes of Crescent Moon, and… I needed to write something for it. 

So what do I do? I write a humor fic. Figures. I'm just that insane. 

In any case, if you're reading this, no it has absolutely nothing to do with _buttsmecks_. However, it is centralized around Nozomu, the greatest German Vampire ever. Even though he's not German. 

Perhaps watching Phantom of the Opera with _Northie Pirate_ (her username on was not the best idea. In any case, this is mostly the result. 

**Disclaimer: I don't own Crescent Moon, and as it ended up with a wonderful ending (what was with that flying thing at the end?) I honestly don't mind x) Dedicated to Manderz and her laptop which has probably abused today (June 4th) **

A simple PROLOGUE 

Perhaps it was because he was tired, or perhaps he was crazy, but somehow his dreams his dreams became an odd dumpling of music. All Nozomu knew was that he was never going to sing till midnight, and watch _Phantom of the Opera_ with Mahiru, _ever_ again. 

He walked downstairs to the kitchen of the Moonshine, there he saw the were-fox demon. 

"Man, Misoka," Nozomu yawned. "I just had the weirdest dream." Misoka, who was mostly uninterested and reading the newspaper, gave the not so German vampire a quick and weird glance. 

"Oh?" he asked. "And what was it about?" Nozomu sat down, yawned, poured himself some orange juice and began. 

"Well…" And so, this was Nozomu's tale. Which actually has nothing at all to do with buttsmecks. Yet full of singing, good and bad. 

----- 

Yes it was short, why? Because I'm MEAN! That and I wanted the other part I have written up to be it's own chapter x) 

You thought I was ending there, didn't you? 

**Part 1: In which Nozomu discovers Shoes**

The Opera house was very much alive. There was a practice going on, and so much singing and dancing. Just the sort of thing Nozomu loved to watch. 

"Grr… this mask is killing me!" he whined. Now, we shall turn towards the amazing thing that is the practice. 

"No, no, NO!" Oboro, who was currently running the theatre, and was feeling extremely ill, shouted, throwing down his gloves. "KEIKO! That's not right _at all_!" The girl on stage, dressed in a rather extensive dress with a head dress frowned and put her hands on her hips. 

"I'm doing this _my way_, or not at all!" she countered. A stage ninja, known as the very happy Akira, popped forward. 

"Come on," the werewolf pouted. "Let the lady do her thing!" 

"Akira… put away your tail and ears!" Katsura, the conductor, commanded. The puppy pouted and did so. "Return to your position!" Sighing, the were pup waved glumly to Keiko, and Keiko blushed, and waved back 

That's when three figures walked in. Two of them looked very disgruntled. 

"What am I _doing_ working with you losers?" the shortest growled. The tallest rolled his eyes. 

"This isn't your dream sequence, dumbshit," the third and second tallest growled. His hair was hippy-long. It was frightening in Mahiru's eyes. 

"Mutsura, Mitsuru, stop arguing! You're supposed to get along!" the tallest groaned. Oboro sighed. 

"Mitsuru, stop being such an ass," Misoka, who stepped out from the shadows, stated. The upset tengu threw an extremely (loud) quiet temper tantrum, A.K.A a hissy fit. 

"SCREW YOU FOX BOY! I DON'T NEED TO TAKE YOUR CRAP!" 

"I don't think anyone would take your crap," Misoka retorted. Nozomu, from his position in the roof, sweat dropped. 

"How come nobody changes in my dreams?" 

"Misoka!" a girl ran forward. She had short blond hair, and was dressed as a chorus girl. This of course was Mahiru. "Please! Don't argue you two!" Hokuto and Mutsura rolled their eyes. 

"Yeah, listen to your princess," Mutsura said sarcastically. Mitsuru was now royally pissed, and about to pull down the entire theatre. 

"NEVER INSULT MAHIRU!" he shouted. Mahiru hung her head. Panda rage suddenly filled her. 

"MITSURU! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" The tengu looked hurt. 

"But… but…" Mahiru gave him a "look" a look which to all men meant "_No if's, and's or but's young man!_" Mitsuru hung his head unhappily. 

"Alright," he sighed. Katsura coughed. 

"Can we get back to the script?" he (she?) requested softly. Oboro nodded. 

"Now that we have everyones attention _anyway_," Oboro commented, glaring at the group. Mahiru blushed and bowed, Misoka rolled his fox eyes, and Hokuto and Mutsura were unchanged. "I'm sure you all have heard the rumor that I'm retiring. Well, for once it's not a rumor. I'll be going on a _permanent_ vacation. Soo…" he turned to the unhappy trio. "These three will take over. Mr. Hokuto, Mr. Mutsura, and Mitsuru." 

"Yeah, hi," Mutsura wasn't paying attention at all. He wanted to eat cheese. Mutsura loved his cheese. And these dancing girls reminded him of cheese. 

"But not buttsmecks?" Nozomu wondered out loud. For some reason, narration was running through his head. Like the line that was previously written, including this one being typed. "This could get _really_ annoying." 

"And what does this have to do with us?" Keiko demanded. Hokuto stared at her. "And don't you stare at me like that, you ass!" Hokuto adverted his gaze. Keiko showed a bit too much cleavage for Nozomu's liking… Now if only… _Ahem_ we won't go further into Nozomu's _personal_ thoughts. Keiko nodded. "Better." 

"Well, this _does_ affect you Keiko," Oboro twitches. "It might mean you're out of a singing job!" He glared at the three new managers. "If you need me, I'll be packing for HELL! Oh wait… I'm already there… HA!" With that he stomped off. 

"That's _not_ how it happened…" Nozomu commentd. 

"Right… so er… what's going on?" Hokuto asked. Mitsuru and Mutsura weren't paying attention. Mutsura still on about cheese, and Mitsuru staring at Mahiru who was talking animatedly to Junko. 

"Do you think the phantom will show up?" Junko squealed. Mahiru sweat dropped. 

"Who knows?" 

"He sounds so hot!" Junko sighed. "I hope he comes." Mahiru sighed, and glanced at Mitsuru, who was staring openly. 

_Idiot_, Mahiru sighed inwardly. Of course, Nozomu heard this. He could hear all their thoughts. 

"Well, since the lovely friend of Mahiru-chan has so openly stated I sound hot, I must not displease my fans, eh Batty?" The bat beside him rolled its eyes. 

"_Yeah, whatever_." 

"Now, from the top please," Katsura commanded. All the cast got into place. Misoka stepped forward and forcefully pulled the trio off stage. 

"You're pretty strong for a short little thing," Mutsura commented. Mitsuru growled something incoherent. 

"Do short people make him hot or something?" Nozomu questioned. 

Misoka growled something back to Mitsuru. Mitsuru snorted. 

"He needs to stop that snorting… how many times have I told him? Eh Batty?" Nozomu said. Batty began to question Nozomu's sanity. Then again, this dream isn't about Batty so we won't dwell too far into Batty's thoughts. 

"OH MI GAWD! What in Texas hellfire… is that boy doing up there?" Although that line isn't actually there. _Someone_ just likes to pretend. 

"Hm… So… uh… what's going on here anyways?" Hokuto asked Misoka. Misoka rolled his eyes. 

"Obviously practice unless you were so dense you didn't realize that we said it, what twice," Misoka growled. For once since this dream started, Mutsura snapped out of his cheese trance. 

"No need to be so rude, _fox boy_," Mustard stated. I mean Mutsura. Yeah, seriously that's what I meant. 

"Can we CONTINUE now!" Katsura demanded. Misoka nodded, and with that, the dancers began dancing, people began singing and all that crap. It was silent between the four, until Mitsura realized something. 

"Shouldn't one of us be asking a question?" he asked. The other three in his company groaned. 

"_Yes_," hissed the fox demon. "_YOU!_" 

"MUST you be so dense?" Hokuto asked. Mitsura pouted. 

"Nobody likes us, master," Mitsura says to the wall, thinking it was cheese. Mitsuru, who was the closest, edged away from the cheese obsessed moron. 

"Dear lord help us," he muttered. 

"Anyways," Misoka started. "Junko's my… cousin 3 times removed, Mahiru's like my cousin three times removed, and that girl singing awefully is the lead singer, Keiko." 

"She _is_ terrible," Hokuto mutters. 

Nozomu got tired of listening to Keiko crappy singing, as well as everyone else, including Akira. He decided to do everyone a favor, and shut her up. 

So he did. 

By throwing a conveniently placed box of shoes on her head. 

Keiko was not a happy girl. 

"FETCH ME MY… er… BAG!" she yells. The cast sighs in relief. 

"Wait! You can't go!" Katsura yells. Keiko glares, causing him (her?) to shudder in fear. 

"_Oh_ and _why not_?" she hisses. Katsura gulps. "I never _wanted_ to do this! But that _heathen_--!" Misoka slammed his hand against Keiko's mouth. He had used his ninja stealth to reach her. 

"Shh," he says. "She might hear you!" Keiko removes his hand and glares. 

"You're still wearing my dress," Katsura whimpers, now afraid that the powers that be (Somewhere not in this fic, two girls sneeze) would strike Keiko down… and burn his dress. 

"Oh, sorry about that," Keiko says. "Let me change, and I'll be off then." 

"BUT WHO WILL PLAY YOUR PART!" Mustura yells. We don't think he's actually talking to Keiko, but whatever. 

"You're problem, not mine!" Keiko says in a sing-song way. She skips merrily off the stage. Hokuto groans. Mitsuru had fallen asleep slightly. 

"What are we going to do! We haven't even had this theatre one day, and we're already failing!" Hokuto whines. 

"Might I make a suggestion?" Misoka asks. All attention turned to him. This included Mutsura and Mitsuru. 

"Sure," Hokuto shrugs. "What harm could it do?" 

"Well," Misoka begins. 

---- 

Tee hee. Sorry, I left off in a terrible place S: She's going to murder me. 

Yes, Keiko did break thr fourth wall. The "_heathen_" was me. nn 


	2. PART TWO

_This chapter is for Arisa, because you sit behind me in history threatening me every once in a while… I told you I'd update._

**PART TWO: In which Mahiru Sings, Mitsuru fumes, and Nozomu doesn't do much.**

As surprising as it was, while Nozomu was explaining that part of his dream, Misoka had paused in his newspaper reading and looked at Nozomu as though her were crazy. And of course, by this I mean he was staring at him with his normal expression and blinking at a slightly faster pace and more often. Nozomu caught this and nodded somewhat excitedly.

"And we're not even _close_ to the crazy part!" Nozomu exclaimed. He took a rather unexpectedly large breath and released it before continuing with his dream.

"Well," Misoka began. "The girl who's like my cousin three times removed—Mahiru, if you'll remember, she was only mentioned about half a page up," here Mitsuru scowled, he was still slightly hurt by Mahiru's cruelty to him previously but seeing as it's Mitsuru he'd never admit it.

"He's just trying to be manly," Nozomu told Batty. "But honestly, if Mitsuru got any less manly he'd be the manliest girl." Batty, who desperately wished to point out that this was the strangest statement ever, said nothing.

"She's getting lessons from a crazy guy who she thinks is her--…" Misoka was cut off by Junko jumping out of nowhere dragging Mahiru.

"Her duck!" Junko exclaimed cheerfully.

"No, her mother," Mitsuru rolled his eyes.

"Mitsuru… He's supposed to remind me of my father… geez," Mahiru rolled her eyes too.

"Can I have my line now?" Misoka asked, a bit of bitterness laced into his words. That was a bit too descriptive for my liking. Let's redo that sentence. "A bit of bitterness stuck in his voice". There, that was better. Anyways, everyone agreed and Misoka smiled. Only he didn't because it's Misoka and he doesn't smile for just _anything_. Like GEEZ.

"Anyway, she's getting singing lessons from a crazy guy who she thinks is her father or something, and she's a million times better then Keiko… or so I'm told. I've never actually heard her sing…"

"Are you _supposed_ to be so lame?" Mutsura questioned. Hokuto slapped his head. Mutsura whimpered something that sounded like "_owcheese_".

"Let's hear her," Mitsuru sighed. He was tired of being here already.

"Since that song… the one… oh, you know what one you're supposed to sing!" Ho—ho… fuck, I can't remember how to spell his name… Hokuto told her!

"Oh-okay…" Mahiru stepped up nervously as Katsura struck up the band. Does anyone else find this slightly dirty sounding?

And Mahiru sang. She sang so wonderfully, they applauded and everyone LOVED her! Simple _adored_ her!

Mitsuru found this slightly suspicious.

"I want to sing Mahiru's part!" He announced random.

There was a pause…

"Why are you still here? Aren't you playing Raoul's part?" Mutsura asked.

There was another pause.

"Oh _fuck_," Mitsuru swore. Which is quite obvious as "fuck" is a swear word.

With that, Mitsuru left and the cast pretended that he never had that random explosion of words.

And there was yet another pause.

"So… I'll see you at that opera thing tonight!"

--

Of course, seeing as Mahiru is playing the part of Christine, the entire audience is blown away (in a non-literal sense) and Nozomu is pleased and Mitsuru is trying his hardest not to whack the bat boy on the head… seeing as he's not supposed to know of him.

"Dammit," Mitsuru said to the air.

--

As per the story goes, Mitsuru made his way to Mahiru's room after the opera… gala… thing.

However, he decided to take his sweet ass time and stopped to admire the random art throughout the place. It really didn't interest him, but it certainly was a good distraction. Several people walked by giving him funny looks as he commented to someone who wasn't there about how lovely the architecture was… before he became so infuriated he began stomping his way towards Mahiru's room.

"I'm _sick_ of being out of character!" he shouted, nearly plowing over Junko.

"Well, _someone_ has anger management problems!" Junko shouted to Mitsuru's back. She stuck out her tongue as her other friend whose name is unknown to me right now laughed nervously; hoping Mitsuru _did not_ turn around at that moment.

"I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME!" Keiko's voice echoed through the hallways.

"I'M TALKING ABOUT TENGU-BOY!" Junko shouted back.

"GOOD."

--

Mitsuru rapped his knuckles angrily against Mahiru's door. He did not notice she had opened it and was now hitting her forehead with his knuckles.

"Hi—oh ow! _Mitsuru!_" Mahiru whined.

"Oh… Uh, yeah, hi," Mitsuru stopped and scowled down at Mahiru.

"What do you want?" Mahiru demanded. "I was in the middle of stuff!"

"… I don't want to know," Mitsuru coughed and shrugged. "We're supposed to have some sort of sappy '_ohmigawd childhood friends reunited_' thing… But I don't feel like it so… lets say 'insert cheese and sappy childhood friend reunited conversation' and move on."

Mahiru took a moment to process that.

"Right… sounds good."

"Good. So I'm supposed to take you to dinner or something…" Mitsuru's scowl deepened.

"Okay!" Mahiru suddenly looked less confused and more cheerful. "I'll be ready in a bit! Go look at some more architecture!" Mahiru slammed her door on Mitsuru's face.

Mitsuru glared at the door before turning and throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

"WOMEN!"

"WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT!" Mahiru shouted. Mitsuru flinched.

"Nothing…"

Misoka open and closed his mouth as it trying to get words out. When that failed, he sighed and shook his head.

"Are you almost done?" Nozomu shook his head fervently.

"Not even close!"


	3. PART THREE

**Buttsmecks with Nozomu**

Chapter 3: In which Nozomu has to find a secret lair, Mahiru is swept away, and Mitsuru gets tired of the architecture.

"So that guy is a total jerk-off, ne?" Mahiru jumped in surprise as, to her surprise, Nozomu had appeared out of nowhere beside the mirror while she had been getting ready to go out with Mitsuru. "What do you see in that guy anyways?" Mahiru's face turned bright red.

"Don't be mean to Mitsuru, he's just got anger problems," Mahiru pouted at Nozomu. Nozomu laughed and waved his hand as if to move away her words.

"Whatever you say cutie!" Mahiru threw her hair clip at him, which he dodged.

"How'd you get in here anyways?" the girl asked.

"Your mirror is two-way and if I open the secret latch it leads you down a hallway-slash-stair case which will take you to my secret lair which is 50 feet below sea level," Nozomu said blandly. Mahiru stared at him blankly. 

"Really?"

"NO! Ick, that's not cool at all. Not to mention incredibly creepy!" Nozomu laughed. Mahiru's face turned red again. "I'm a vampire, remember? I can do things like appear and disappear."

"I didn't know that," Mahiru frowned. This new piece of information seemed a bit obscure, not to mention kind of extremely strange. Nozomu _defiantly_ didn't disappear and reappear randomly at all…

"It's part of my job. Anyways, so I'm supposed to take you to my lair now," he stated cheerfully. Mahiru gasped.

"Oh no, but I have to go to dinner with Mitsuru!" she pouted.

"Ah, Tengu-boy can wait. Or you know, try and find you or something. Nobody cares about him; after all he is playing Raoul," Nozomu explained cheerfully, clearly having not read the sixth volume of Crescent Moon. Or he's in denial. Personally, I don't think it matters much.

"_I_ care about him!"

"… Well, I'm just going to have to fix that, aren't I?"

---

Mitsuru found himself sneezing more than was humanly necessary. Of course, since he wasn't human he didn't care _what_ was humanly necessary.

"Fuck humans," which one day he might, "fuck architecture," which we all hope he wont, "and _fuck your literally translations of my statements_," Mitsuru hissed at the ceiling where he assumed the narration was coming from.

Unfortunately, seeing as Nozomu wasn't there to protect innocents from breaking the fourth wall by simply being there and making the narration behave, the narration found Mitsuru absolutely no threat at all.

"Oh fuck you." 

I'm sure _everyone_ wishes for that.

"**Not like that, dammit!**" With that Mitsuru stomped off towards Mahiru's room, deciding that she had gotten enough time to prepare and they were leaving… _now_. "Damn straight!"

--- 

The only problem with taking Mahiru to his secret lair was that Nozomu didn't _have_ a secret lair. He may have been a vampire, and currently the phantom of the opera, but he defiantly never got a secret lair.

It wasn't his thing.

So where to take Mahiru? This scene was supposed to be a major plot point… or something.

"Aren't you supposed to be wearing a mask?" Mahiru asked suddenly. Nozomu paused mid-flying step.

"… I knew I was forgetting something," he told her, pulling the mask out from his super cape which anyone who's anyone in the world of Phantom wears. Of course, we're going to ignore the movie mask as it sucks and say he's wearing the mask from the promos for the musical. I don't know if they actually wear that mask as I've never seen the musical, but hey whatever.

"How do you forget something like the Phantom's _mask_?" Mahiru asked. Nozomu sighed.

"Well, truth is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with my face. I'm terribly sexy," Nozomu told her. Mahiru laughed nervously.

---

"That sounds like you," Misoka stated, folding his newspaper neatly.

"Hey! Well, I mean I am, but I don't go around boasting about it," Nozomu protested angrily. Misoka gave him a blank look which clearly said '_like hell you don't_'. "Anyways, the point is not my mental hygiene. Let me finish!"

"I doubt you'll _ever_ finish."

---

After the moment of awkward silence Nozomu finally stopped in a random cellar in the basement of the opera house. "This is my temporary lair," he decided.

"… It looks like it's someone else lair right now," Mahiru pointed out. And she was indeed correct. While it was a cellar, it happened to have a full bedroom set, several mirrors, a sewing kit, 5 kittens, 6 spears, 9 hats, a dresser, a kitchen set, a writing table and chair, millions of candles and numeral dresses set up.

"… They won't mind." Mahiru opened her mouth to protest, only to have Nozomu push her towards one of the kitchen chairs. Silence reigned for a moment.

"So… the whole point of this scene I think was so Christine would find out that the '_Angel of Music_' was actually just the phantom of the opera and finds out what's wrong with his face… but since I wasn't exactly wearing a mask you've already seen my face so…"

"Me being here is kind of pointless," Mahiru finished.

"Pretty much," Nozomu nodded.

"Are we done here?"

"I guess so." Mahiru could find no suitable reply to this. "… How about a cup of coffee before you go?" Mahiru shrugged, it couldn't hurt.

---

Meanwhile, Mitsuru was _really_ pissed off.

"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. He had arrived at Mahiru's door to get her only and had stood there knocking for at least an hour. Finally he noticed that there was a sign on the door. In scrawling purple letters someone had written:

'_Mitsuru, _

Her fiddle gown did tell purple death.'

… with a small heart at the bottom. Mitsuru was not pleased. "Damn you bat-boy!"

At that moment, Keiko walked by and whacked him over the head. "What was _that_ for!" he shouted at her retreating back.

"It's for being a _fuckwad!_" she shouted back at him.

"You're not even supposed to still be here!"

"Neither are you!"

And thus, the _Epic Shouting Match of No End_ (which actually ended) began.

--- 

It was, inevitably, the next day as there wasn't much else that happened. Nozomu had sent out a few notes in his spare time, and Mahiru had crawled back to her room, totally wired from the 3 pints of coffee she had drunk. It should be noted I don't actually remember, nor care, how much 3 pints is.

This brings us to Hokuto and Mutsura standing in the lobby.

"Shit!" Mutsura exclaimed. He had just whacked his head against one of the awkwardly placed statues.

"I'll say," snorted Hokuto, who was talking about something completely different. "Our cast is falling apart, Keiko's a bitch, Mahiru's gone, and we're getting complaints that Mitsuru is stomping around moving statues!" Mutsura gave Hokuto a blank look, clearly thinking about cheese again.

"So, I got a note," Mutsura said conversationally. Hokuto stared at him in surprise.

"You can _think_?" the words 'utter disbelief' were appropriate here as Hokuto was in utter disbelief. 

"Yes. This note said something about giving back some shoes," Mutsura continued.

"… I got a note as well," Hokuto replied. "Except mine said Keiko was never to sing again." 

"And I got a note as well!" Mitsuru shouted, stomping his way into the story again, and all of our hearts.

"Really? Who was it from?" Hokuto asked. Mitsuru pointed at him. "Me? I didn't send you any note, did it _say_ it was from me?"

"… Well, no, I just assumed it was because I don't like you and I don't like what the note says. Not that I care or anything, that stupid girl can go fly off to the moon for all I care really. She's just some dumb… dumb… girl… who…" Mitsuru trailed off, realizing he had dug himself a very deep hole. If it wasn't obvious to Hokuto by now that Mitsuru was trying to convince himself that he wasn't absolutely obsessed with Mahiru and not Hokuto then Hokuto was crazier than Mutsura.

"Your note said don't go near Mahiru, right?" Hokuto guessed. Mitsuru gave him a tengu-esque glare and nodded. "Ah-huh, right. So this is no time to be talking about your love problems. In any case…"

"FUCK YOU TOO HOKUTO!" Keiko shouted, marching into the lobby. "I _know_ I'm being totally bitchy! But it's not my fault okay! It's totally that _heathen's_ and--"

"KEIKO!" Hokuto shouted. "I have _absolutely_ no clue what you're talking about!"

"You sent me a note!" she accused. "It was either you or Tengu-boy! A note that said I was totally being bitchy and extremely out of character and I should go dunk my pretty little head in salt water!"

There was silence.

"I don't think your note was sent by the same person as the rest of ours," Mitsuru pointed out awkwardly.

"For once, Mitsuru is right," Misoka said, coming out of no where via his ninja stealth. "Your note was _actually_ sent by Junko because she doesn't like you. The rest of you received notes from the Phantom. He wants his bloody shoes back, and he sends us a script for some play and wants Mahiru to play the lead and Keiko to play the silent role." 

"How do you _know_ all of this?" Mutsura asked a railing handle. Once again, he was not talking about what everyone else was. One wonders what does go through his mind.

"Simple, I'm _Misoka_," he stated, as if that explained everything. 

Which, sadly, it really did.

"Well… I really have no problem with his conditions," Hokuto said honestly. Keiko nodded in agreement.

"NO!" Mitsuru shouted suddenly.

"No what?" Misoka asked.

"If Mahiru plays the lead she'll be kidnapped for sure and that wouldn't be good because we all know I harbor secret feelings for her and I'd hate for her to get hurt so we're totally not doing it his way and Keiko—as crappy as she is—will be the lead and Mahiru will play the silent role because she's less likely to get hurt that way!" Mitsuru said very quickly and dramatically. The silence that followed was quickly murdered and Mitsuru stomped away.

"I _really_ hate being out of character!" he shouted.

"… Well, I guess since he went on that rant we have to listen to him," Hokuto sighed turning and walking away to being preparing for the show.

"Good thing Mahiru's back," Misoka frowned, walking off to tell Mahiru this latest update.

"Dammit! I was so close!" Keiko pouted, sauntering off.

"Why yes, Sir Musslebrows, I do think the state of California is liquid! How _did_ you guess?" Mutsura told a random naked lady statue happily. Hokuto came back, sighing.

"Come Mutsura," he said, grabbing the mental case and dragging him towards where ever Hokuto had been previously. 

"I don't what's gotten into him Miss Stairfair," Mutsura told the wall honestly.

Hokuto wondered why he bothered with these people.

---

_YES! I updated dagnabbit! I was re-reading Crescent Moon and then I was sitting here attempting to draw Phantom!Nozomu and well… the first part of this chapter got into my head and I liked to so much I had to write it out._

But the… bagillionth time through reading Crescent Moon, I'm left wondering; is a Kansei dialect like an Osaka accent or is it something completely different? They give Nozomu the same speech patterns as Jounouchi from YuuGiOu and… shit that other guy from that other thing : So I'm really confused.

Anyways, winamp is playing Japanese music and I'm an almost happy camper. Except for that fact that I don't camp, and never plan on it.

If you're wondering, I've watched the Phantom of the Opera movie a grand total of 5 times. However, I don't remember everything and only have a vague recollection, which is generally why this takes so long. So, to help me I have Phantom of the Opera music and Phantom of the Opera in 15 Minutes. It's a hilarious parody script of the movie and amuses to absolutely no end. It helps me figure out where I am and where I'm going and how I can get there. I 3 Cleolinda and I really need to buy that book.

Amanda, I used your magantic poetry line. Originally, I was going to have Mitsuru rant about Nozomu's magnetic poetry, but then I decided I wanted Keiko to be in this more.

The epic kiss scene is in the next chapter… the question is; will it actually be a kiss? Or will I manage to worm my way out of writing it?


	4. PART 4: THE FINAL ACT

**Buttsmecks with Nozomu**

**Part Four: In which the story is played with and ended and Misoka takes matter into his own hands.**

"You know," Misoka commented dryly, beginning to clean up his breakfast mess. "I'm hoping there's a point to this story."

"It's not a story," Nozomu rolled his eyes at the fox. "It's a _dream_. How often do dreams have _points_?"

"If you're the princess," Misoka muttered. "Often enough."

"Whatever…" Nozomu shrugged. "I'm almost done anyways."

---

This was going to suck, Mahiru had decided. Everyone would be mad at her because _she_ would be playing the silent role while Keiko would be singing. And knowing Keiko and how upset she was with the turn of events, she'd probably do her damnedest to sing the worst possible.

"Well," she commented to herself, "at least it can't get any worse!"

"You really should stop being so optimistic," Nozomu stated, filing his nails and sitting in her window sill. "Things will only get worse now."

"Oh, phooey," Mahiru did her trademarked panda pout in hopes that somehow she'd be saved from whatever doom the Gods may have decided to thrust upon her due to her poorly chosen words.

Unfortunately for our dear panda, all the Gods were on coffee break and Keiko's least favourite _heathen_ was on patrol.

---

Due to an unexplainable gap in time, it was suddenly the night of the show.

"You know, I'm kind of missing those weeks," Nozomu told the narrator. Said narrator didn't actually care, but Nozomu could always dream. "Ah, that I can. Luckily, I'm not Edward Cullen."

So right he is.

"Tonight is my night to cause chaos and mayhem," Nozomu told Mr. Bat in a sing-song voice. "Not because I love Mahiru, but because I do so enjoy it"

Show so went reasonably well, all things considered. Eventually someone back stage got so fed up with Keiko's singing, they threw a shoe at the back of her head and she went on a rampage destroying anyone wearing shoes that looked remotely like the one thrown. Mahiru was soon switched for Keiko (much to both girls pleasure).

However, Nozomu took the second half to mean his time to drop things on people. And so, he did.

Not one audience member was safe from his brigade of stuff. He threw whatever he could find the rafters, including (but not limited to) shoes, mushrooms and various stuffed animals.

And somehow, we now find ourselves on the roof with Mahiru and Mitsuru, but as this is a dream it does not need to make much sense.

Both are also very confused.

Mahiru opened her mouth to begin speaking. Mitsuru quickly put a stop to this by shoving his hand over her mouth.

"No, Mahiru. Don't talk," he stated.

"Would it ruin the moment?" Mahiru asked softly, of course as her mouth is still covered it came out as a sort of 'mmpht mmpt thmp mmm?'

"No, if you start the scene, that means about 2 minutes to the end of it we have to kiss," Mitsuru stated. "And personally, I feel like holding that off for as long as possible." Mahiru pouted and shoved Mitsuru's hand away. Tears filled her eyes and put on an almost perfect replica of Akira's 'wolfie pout'. To this, Mitsuru put up an arm in defense.

"B-b-but Mitsuru!" she half-sobbed. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"Dork, I haven't _confessed_ to you yet! God, we haven't had that dramatic scene that comes right after we attempt to run from the Moon Palace and you're all '_nyah-nyah! I need to go save Misoka blag blah!'_ and I'm all '_double-u-tee-eff woman! You're mine!_' and you're all _'Oh Mitsuru I love you!_' and…" he paused mid-rant and cursed under his breath—by under his breath I mean normal speaking level. Mitsuru is, after all, a very loud person.

"Uh… Mitsuru?" Mahiru was standing there, blinking in confusion at the Tengu. "What _are_ you talking about?"

"…" Mitsuru blinked and stopped his tantrum at himself. "_I said nothing woman!_" he hissed. Mahiru backed off.

"O-o-o-oh-kay! Someone's been taking Junko's aunts-uncles-nephews-neices-moms-mothers-daughter's estrogen pills!"

"… Who are you even talking about anymore?" Mitsuru asked.

"… I don't know."

They stood in silence for a while.

"I'm cold."

"Me too."

"… Can I have a hug?"

More silence.

"I refuse to make this in any way-shape-or-form a romantic scene!"

Little did either of our young heroes know that everyone's favourite not-Edward-Cullen vampire was JUST BEHIND THAT PILLAR! However, Akira knew as he was also present to watch the not-so-romantic roof scene which is placed in the wrong part of the play.

However, this is Nozomu's dream and not the play, thus anything goes.

--

"Why was there even a narrator in your dream?" Misoka questioned. Nozomu shrugged.

"Like hell I know."

--

Akira and Nozomu suddenly burst from JUST BEHIND THAT PILLAR to confront the two not-so love birds IN THE ACT.

"Alright!" Nozomu shouted, much like a cop about to make an arrest. "You two have some CONFESSIONS to make!"

"… I thought we were making CONFECTIONS?" Akira asked. Nobody spoke for a moment, and then Akira shrugged.

"Anyways," Nozomu turned back to Mitsuru. "We're going to need to settle this, boy!"

"Settle what, vampire?" Mitsuru asked.

"THE PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE CAUSED US ALL," Mutsura screamed, coming from… well, no where actually. "You!" he turned to Nozomu, pointing dramatically. "You will have to DUEL him to make him spill where he hid the cheese!" Mahiru began backing away slowly from the scene, unnoticed by everyone.

"A duel! Good idea!" Nozomu said enthusiastically while Mitsuru muttered the same words almost sarcastically. Mutsura passed Nozomu a deck of cards and whispered "_Just play Mother Theresa in defense mode, as long as he doesn't have atom bomb, you'll win._"

Nozomu had no clue what these words meant, nor why Mutsura was now flinging himself off the building and gliding off… nor why he even had these cards, but he knew suddenly that the sun was rising and… the building was dissolving…

--

"… And then I woke up," Nozomu said. Misoka didn't say anything and stared at Nozomu for a few minutes. Quietly, he rolled up the newspaper stood up slowly and…

… Whacked Nozomu in the head as hard as he could. Nozomu's head hit the table with a resounding '_thud_'.

"OW. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" the German vampire demanded.

"For wasting an hour of my time," Misoka stated calmly, before taking the newspaper and his dishes back into the kitchen. Nozomu sat at the table, pouting and rubbing his head.

What was Misoka so upset about, it was just a dream after all.

"Oh, Nozomu," Mahiru said, coming into the room. "I heard the sounds of someone getting hit in the head with a newspaper, what happened?"

"I was just telling Misoka about my dream when he hit me on the head!" Nozomu whined to his people's princess. Mahiru smiled and patted his head lightly.

"Don't worry Nozomu, I'm sure Misoka still loves you," Mahiru said before wandering away. Nozomu sat staring after her for a few minutes, wondering what in the teardrops names she could possibly have meant by that.

He soon grew tired of this boring train of thought and left the table to return to his garage—the car could probably use some work after all that fake stunt driving he did the other day.

He soon forgot about the story he had told Misoka, after all… it was just a dream.

_Just as a general thought: HOLY SHIT! IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO FINISH THIS. So here's a random part I considered putting in… and then realized it would sound so stupid if nobody had watched YGOGX… which most people I know haven't. But I'm not letting you read it. I mean if you really want to I could let you, but it's kinda filled with more dumb than usual._

_Anyways, WHOA, I FINISHED._

_Disclaimer: Edward Cullen belongs to Bella Swan… I mean, Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and anything else that I didn't make belongs to whoever did._

_Also, the Mother Theresa in defense mode thing… belongs to the game a friend of mine and I play._

_Final dedication: To my friend who goes to school with me and pressured me to finish, or at least update, this story. Without her you would have never seen the terrible end. To the girl who leant me the Phantom movie and will never read this; thanks for letting me borrow it and to Amanda, for sitting through my giggling and mad typing the night this story was first invented, I'll miss you when you go to Switzerland, never let the insanity die. Also, don't forget "All Sho needs is a good rape"._


End file.
